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Finances

Finances are an important and ever-changing aspect of a marriage. A husband and wife bring their own incomes, rules, and habits with them. Merging the two can be difficult as a couple figures out to navigate the changes that occur, such as having children, going from two incomes to one, experiencing job loss or any number of unexpected scenarios. In twenty-two years of marriage, my husband and I have experienced these changes. The following are some financial principles that have helped us find stable footing and blessed our marriage. Pay tithing and fast offerings - When you are obedient and give back to the Lord in faith and with a generous heart, He opens the windows of heaven. Some of the blessings he as poured out on our marriage include being able to do more with less, having wisdom to make good financial choices, being compatible with my husband, being able to determine needs from wants and doing without, knowing how use and not waste food storage, helping us achieve our f...
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Family Councils

Elder Ballard, in Counseling with Our Councils, explains how action and decisions in the church are made through the Council of the First Presidency and Council of the Twelve. Men with differing opinions and backgrounds discuss and deliberate issues without contention or discord. He relates, “I have observed a beautiful and remarkable thing—the coming together, under the directing influence of the Holy Spirit and under the power of revelation, of divergent views until there is total harmony and full agreement.” This is how the Lord directs his work. Councils can also be also successfully to direct the Lord’s work within marriages and families. The Family: A Proclamation to the World states that God’s desire is for “families to be united eternally. Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and ...
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Ignorance and Sexual Intimacy

As a young adult my limited and basic understanding of sex was what was wrong and bad before marriage was good after you were married, it was an expression of love, and the way to have children. This topic was not talked about in our home, and if it had been I probably would have died of embarrassment. Looking back, I feel like there were great big gaps in my understanding (and my husband’s) which has taken us many, many years to figure out, and at times has been a bumpy road. I felt that to read and study about sexual intimacy would be considered the same as looking at pornography—something to avoid. I have come to realize that it was okay for me to seek to understand this holy gift and I was led to sources that helped me and my husband overcome some problems we faced (most of them due to ignorance)—not understanding the differences, both physiological and emotional, in men and women in general, and in my husband and myself individually. Some of our issues stemmed from preconcei...
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Charity

What is Charity and how can it help our marriage relationships? H. Wallace Goddard describes charity—the pure love of Christ—as “love for Christ, love from Christ, and love like Christ…as we feel love from Him and for Him, we naturally love like him.” We learn more about the qualities of charity that we can apply to our relationships from the Book of Mormon prophet Moroni (see Moroni 7:45); “And charity suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, and endureth all things." We can so quickly and easily be put out and frustrated by our spouse’s weaknesses, which might include some of the following: Leaving the bag of cookies (or bread, or muffins) open for them to dry out. Not wiping off the crumbs and glopped jam from the counter after breakfast. Not rinsing the used dishes he puts in the sink, so...
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The Power of Choice in our Relationships

Choice is an eternal principle that comes with accountability. 2 Nephi 2:16 teaches that “God gave unto man that he should act for himself.” Thoughts and feelings may come unbidden, but what we do with them and how we act is our choice. Choosing to not be angry and choosing forgiveness are two principles that can strengthen a marriage. The converse, choosing to be angry and choosing to not forgive can make a marriage miserable and even destroy it. Many like to blame their anger on another’s actions, giving away their agency and control to someone else. But, anger can be controlled. We choose how we act or react to other’s words or actions. Elder Lynn G. Robbins explains, “No one makes us mad. Others don’t make us angry. There is no force involved.”  When my children were young, and I was stressed, I found myself getting angry and yelling at them. I now work with children in an elementary library and at times find myself with the same angry feelings, but I do not yell ...
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Pride in Marriage

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In the Book of Mormon, we read about nations falling because of pride. The same destruction can happen to our marriages and families if pride is not checked. The bible dictionary defines repentance as “a turning of the heart and will to God”, which is the antithesis of pride.  President Ezra Taft Benson defines pride as opposition toward God and our fellowman.  So, repentance is the cure for pride. How do we repent of pride? I think King Benjamin (Mosiah 3:19) teaches it well—if pride is our natural tendency, then to counteract it we must, “becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, and willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon [us].” These principles apply in all of our interactions and relationships, especially in marriage. When the Lamanites were converted to the Gospel of Jesus Christ, they buried their weapons of war for peace. If we desire to...
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Turn Toward One Another

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In contemplating how turning toward a spouse can strengthen a marriage, I contemplated on how turning toward God can help me do that. I thought of ways in the past in which I turned toward God to help me feel closer to Him. ·         Praying more often and more intently. Having genuine and heartfelt conversations instead of just asking for a list of blessings. Seeking counsel from Him and listening for guidance from the Spirit. ·         Studying the scriptures daily—not just reading, but searching them, asking questions, praying, pondering, and applying them to my life. ·         Serve.   Increase my dedication in my calling. Look for ways to serve others. Go to the temple more often. Could I not use these same underlying principles to turn toward my husband and family? Many of these are suggested by Dr.Gottman in, The Seven Principles for Makin...
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